Slicky Party

Julie Delpy vs. Adam Goldberg in Two Days in Paris. Both are...

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 21:17:55 -0500

Julie Delpy vs. Adam Goldberg in Two Days in Paris. Both are adorably crazy. Not sure who would win the toss up here. He’s got the market cornered on hot neurotic Jew. She’s got the whole fuckable and French thing going on.

Jason Bateman is the personification of the polar opposite of...

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 15:05:00 -0500

Jason Bateman is the personification of the polar opposite of meth face. Take note youngins, this is what happens when you don’t spend your youth snorting blow at Ricky Schroeder’s place.

You think you can handle this? You can’t handle this. She...

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 17:53:17 -0500

You think you can handle this? You can’t handle this. She once fucked a pigeon on a dare. With herself. She uses wine stoppers as butt plugs. And vice versa. If she wanted to, she could fuck the black out of Stanley.

For all those times your bean flicking fantasies involved...

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 13:57:34 -0500

For all those times your bean flicking fantasies involved getting breathless with the most powerful man on the planet. Now there’s even more justification.

Seriously, Charlie Runkle must be out of his damn mind wanting...

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 21:07:35 -0500

Seriously, Charlie Runkle must be out of his damn mind wanting to divorce Cokey Smurf. She is the living, breathing, snorting definition of HOT MESS.

No, seriously. Hear me out. The way I see it, Data was basically...

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 10:50:11 -0500

No, seriously. Hear me out. The way I see it, Data was basically a walking sex toy. It was hinted at more than once that he was anatomically correct, “fully functional”, and had been “engaged by” unspecified female members of the crew. Plus, he had no inhibitions or sense of shame (so long as his emotion chip was disengaged), so you could ask him to whatever freaky, kinky thing that you desired.

Like pulling a train with Picard and Number One.

Remember when you called Paris Hilton a “piece of...

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 19:25:14 -0500

Remember when you called Paris Hilton a “piece of shit”? That was not the first time slickiness ensued because of something you said.

WHY WON’T YOU LET ME HOLD YOU?

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 16:53:43 -0500

WHY WON’T YOU LET ME HOLD YOU?

Dear Puck, I so wanted to like you. You and your loose cannon...

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 21:01:02 -0500

Dear Puck,
I so wanted to like you. You and your loose cannon ways were so attractive in my 9th grade pre-formative mind. But then you turned out to be a total retard whose only charm was shooting fluids out of different parts of your body. And I’m sure when the camera was off you were probably grabbing Pedro Zamora’s face and farting into his mouth. I think you had a secret crush on him. Anyway, you’ll probably turn up on an upcoming season of Celebrity Rehab. I look forward to seeing you then.
Sincerely,
Dreaming of you during Algebra 1

how the slicky party sausage gets made: horatio sanz edition

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 17:29:00 -0500

Foxy Teen 13: Ahaha "reverse cowgirl" was too smutty?
Cockmaster: Noooo! we need just one animal reference. ah this is going to get so porny.BUT YES!! BACKWARDS BONE ALL THE BLOATED DUDES YOU WANT!!

Whoa, what the hell happened here?! Dorky-looking SNL alum...

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 17:15:00 -0500

Whoa, what the hell happened here?! Dorky-looking SNL alum Horatio Sanz lost a hundred pounds, grew a beard, got a man’s hairstyle (as opposed to that 12-year-old-girl lookin’ mop of suck he used to wear) and morphed into a smoldering Latino bear. Mmmm BEAR RUG = BARE RUG.

Nice hands, too.

Agyness Deyn! I love when a girl’s name is so made up that...

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 23:15:15 -0500

Agyness Deyn!

I love when a girl’s name is so made up that I can’t pronounce it
without hesitating like a sixth grader reading the rape trial scene of
To Kill a Mockingbird aloud in class.

Like Edward Cullen to the scent of her blood, Jodie Foster...

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 18:55:19 -0500

Like Edward Cullen to the scent of her blood, Jodie Foster smelled the gay on Kristen Stewart when she cast her as her offspring in The Panic Room. Watching Stewart on Letterman was like watching Shane meeting a girlfriend’s mom for the first time - awkward yet cocksure. Puddles ensue.

What type of sex is Gary best at? Always Nom All...

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:42:21 -0500

What type of sex is Gary best at?

Always

Nom

All the

Lithium.

garybusey:

You know what DUMMIES stands for? Dummies Under Mechanical Monkey Influence Eating Silver. It’s where dummies like you end up. Hold on for Shelley.

Steve Martin is the winner of several Beauty Penis Contests....

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:25:41 -0500

Steve Martin is the winner of several Beauty Penis Contests.

Steve Martin believes that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.

We come cheap.

One afternoon while waiting for your high school bestie to come...

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:12:00 -0500

One afternoon while waiting for your high school bestie to come home you wander into Trent’s smoke choked room. As Ween strums in the background, the conversation somehow turns to sex. To be seem more mature and open you make some casual joke about oral sex using the wrong terminology. Trent, making eye contact for the first time, explains to you that “giving head”, “going down” and a “blowjob” all describe the same sexual act. Trent blows your mind. Then you blow Trent.

Ever since Jurassic Park, I’ve wanted this tall, swarthy...

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:00:04 -0500

Ever since Jurassic Park, I’ve wanted this tall, swarthy Jew dude to
teach me about Chaos Theory. Naked, making thursty motions while dinosaurs chase us.

Rahm Israel Emanuel I want all nine of his fingers inside of me.

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 17:20:39 -0500

Rahm Israel Emanuel

I want all nine of his fingers inside of me.

Spacey’s the type of guy my mom’s generation calls a...

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 10:18:59 -0500

Spacey’s the type of guy my mom’s generation calls a “hunk.” Even when he was covered with burn scars in Pay It Forward I wanted 2 lick his face. But Spacey as Lester Burnham makes me wish I had 2 tongues.

The lead singer of the Dresden Dolls, Amanda Palmer, has a...

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 13:58:09 -0500

The lead singer of the Dresden Dolls, Amanda Palmer, has a sensual, arresting look, a fluid sexuality, and symptoms of at lest three disorders in the DSM-IV.